Scene: A slightly scruffy back garden. A football lies abandoned. CHUCKLES is pacing like a mastermind. SKINT is sitting on a bucket, eating crisps.

CHUCKLES:
Right. New game.

SKINT:
Last “new game” you invented cost me a sock and my dignity.

CHUCKLES:
This one’s different. It’s called… Piggy Back Piggy in the Middle.

SKINT (suspicious):
That sounds like two bad ideas stitched together.

CHUCKLES:
Exactly! Innovation.

SKINT:
Explain.

CHUCKLES:
Right. One person is “piggy”—that’s you.

SKINT:
Why is it always me?

CHUCKLES:
Because you’ve got the… piggy energy.

SKINT:
I don’t even know what that means.

CHUCKLES:
You’ll stand in the middle while I—gracefully—sit on your back. Then we try to catch the ball.

SKINT:
So I’m carrying you… while being the one in the middle?

CHUCKLES:
Yes! Maximum challenge. Very athletic.

SKINT:
For who? You’re just sitting there like royalty.

CHUCKLES (posing):
King Chuckles the First.

SKINT:
More like Duke of Laziness.

CHUCKLES:
Come on, it’ll be fun.

SKINT:
Last time you said that, I ended up in a bush.

CHUCKLES:
Character building.

SKINT:
I’ve got enough character. I need fewer injuries.

CHUCKLES (already climbing onto Skint’s back):
Too late!

SKINT (wobbling):
OI—get off! You weigh more than you look!

CHUCKLES:
That’s muscle.

SKINT:
That’s biscuits.

CHUCKLES:
Right! Ready! I’ll throw the ball, you catch it.

SKINT:
How am I supposed to catch it when you’re blocking my vision?!

CHUCKLES:
Use your instincts.

SKINT:
My instincts say drop you.

CHUCKLES:
NO DON’T—!

(Skint immediately drops him. Chuckles lands with a thud.)

CHUCKLES (groaning):
…That was not part of the game.

SKINT (dusting hands):
New rule. Piggy doesn’t carry nonsense.

CHUCKLES:
Fine. New plan.

SKINT:
Oh no.

CHUCKLES:
You get on my back.

SKINT (grinning):
Now that sounds like a game.

CHUCKLES (instantly nervous):
…Let’s go back to football.

SKINT:
Too late.

(Skint lunges. They both tumble over the bucket. Crisps fly everywhere.)

CHUCKLES:
MY MASTER PLAN!

SKINT (laughing):
Your plans always end like this.

CHUCKLES:
Yeah… but it’s funny though.

SKINT:
Yeah. It is.

(They sit on the ground, laughing, surrounded by crisps and chaos.)

END